Something happened to me on the Mother's Day just passed that I am planning to write about fairly extensively in the near future. While it happened on Mother's Day, and it happened while I was in the company of my Mother, it wasn't a Mother's Day disaster. That is, while my Mother can't help but be a part of this because of the subject matter and the precipitating event itself, it was not about her or our relationship.
It concerns the recent actions and decisions of the woman who has legal status as my step-mother. This person is in no way deserving of the title of any kind of mother in my life, so that's why it isn't really a Mother's Day disaster. I am currently being circumspect here about the details of this situation not for privacy (or shame) reasons. I will soon name names, provide dates, and publish pictures.
I am rather still currently in the process of deciding how to respond to this development. I am still recovering from the overwhelming shock, disgust and outrage it engendered, so I'm not ready to write about it, yet.
In short, the person whom the legal system views as my step-mother made it clear that I, and my father, do not matter to her. But, that situation is not what this post is about.
Except it is.
I am also dealing with disentangling my life with some other people as a consequence of the routine events in life like moving domiciles, changing jobs and deepening interpersonal commitments. It is in these times of change, flux and uncertainty that we are able to discern assertions from commitments.
More specifically, I realized as a fairly young man (because I moved a lot) that about the only thing I enjoyed about moving my residence was that this really is one of those times in life when I find out who my friends really are. This is as true today as it was when I first discovered it 30 years ago on the couch circuit.
I matter to my friends. This is an important part of what makes them my friends.
If you want to remain my friend, the recipe is simple, when you're involved in something that involves me, act like I matter.
Show someone important that they matter to you today. Do it with your actions, not your words.