Throughout the day, as I interact with a variety of friends, co-workers, and strangers, I am sometimes uncomfortable. My monkey-mind, the endless prattle of egocentric observations and judgments about the world around me, likes some interaction I have with people and doesn't like others.
I am reglarly uncomfortable with physical contact (or lack of physical contact) that seems out of place. Sometimes it seems out of place because my awareness and attention are in a different place. Sometimes it is uncomfortable because someone strays close to my boundaries. Sometimes it is uncomfortable because the contact, or even sometimes the lack of it, seems forced and artificial in the context.
Sometimes I am self-conscious of my grooming, maybe it's been a long day, or I've recently been physically active. Sometimes I irrationally fear the exposure of my own desires and attitudes concerning the person in question by holding a hug too long or not long enough, etc.
Like having sex, there are hundreds of reasons to be physically affectionate with someone, and only a few of those (among the most popular, no doubt) involve wanting it. I generally don't think a lot beforehand when I initiate contact, but I would guess that I most often simply want to convey something to the other person and words feel inadequate or simply would take too much time.
Now, in what I see clearly as an orchestrated political attack on Joe Biden, everyone is coming out of the woodwork with their creepy Uncle Joe stories as if this indicates he is out of step with modern values concerning affection. I don't know Joe Biden, so I don't have an opinion on him, that's not what this is about. I have opinion about what I see as the covert motivations for this tactic.
The power of the pull and push of sexual interactions cannot be overstated. This mysterious force motivates population patterns, commerce, governmental structures, and every category of extreme human misbehavior from theft to to fraud to murder. Since human beings have organized into communities, these forces for control, conquest, and gratification have never been settled. Reasonable people disagree on what behavior is proper and what is not, they always have, and likely always will.
How do you drive someone into a gotcha "when did you stop beating your wife" corner? Self-righteous outrage over differences we all have with other as if there's a set of correct, agreed upon standards on physical affection on which all reasonable people agree. Bullshit. There's not.
I have friends who literally jump into my lap and hang all over me when we see each other, I have friends (whom I would take a bullet for) I fist-bump at most. Sometimes the hugging and kissing is a bit uncomfortable because it is too much, sometimes the fist bump is uncomfortable because it is not enough. I never make an issue of it, I regard these experiences as part of the inevitable uncertainty of dealing with humans.
I am also uncomfortable when I talk to someone whose views, values and ethics substantially differ from my own. I don't like talking to people who think socialist policies are necessarily corrupt and wasteful. I don't like talking to people who believe that free market regulation is anti-capitalist. I really don't like talking to people who think allocation of healthcare resources should be controlled by private profit-making enterprises. Their views make my skin crawl. But, I listen to them, I give their vacuous polemics space to breathe as long as they do not stray into extremes and personal insult.
In much the same way, I dismiss whatever discomfort arises out of a mis-matched encounter with physical contact as long as it doesn't stray into extremes. That doesn't mean I am retreating from my own standards, it means that I respect other people's reasonable freedom to be who they are.
Too touchy? Ok. Got it. Physically distant? Cool. I always recognize that on another day I may have reacted differently. Consistency is not my middle name.
This is the best we can do. We cannot support the beloved community if we insist on having things exactly our own way every time. This is even more true for democratic political governance according to the system we have in this country. I cannot insist that those who enjoy my vote and campaign donations agree with me. That's too much.
So, this is a sorry, sorry way for the democratic party to be conducting itself this campaign season. Are we really so small that we exclude all but those who echo precisely our personal values? What kind of leaders are we going to have if we insist that they be cookie-cutters of our own life experiences and decisions?
Grow up, people. We have made a welcome change in our society that makes it safer for sexually harassed and assaulted people to defend themselves. This doesn't mean that every time someone avails themself of these new changes that they are correct in doing so. They're not. They're being abusive.
None of the reported incidents rises to the level of extreme behavior. In every case it is a simple mismatch of personal contexts, like those that I encounter, dismiss, and live-through daily.
Should Joe Biden alter his behavior? I would. In fact, I have. The trauma of being falsely accused of sexual harassment at work ten years ago forever changed me. I now never say anything to a female co-worker that I wouldn't say to a male, and I never touch anyone. I haven't turned into some cold fish, I just worked out new ways of expressing my affection for my co-workers, despite the fact that a hand on the shoulder would often be so much more authentic and direct.
Does Joe Biden being on the touchy-feely side have anything to do with his fitness to be President?
No. Stop it.
